The Rational Way of Social Comparisons
Why do you compare yourself with others and how you can benefit from those comparisons? Let's talk!
Comparisons are not bad—your why and how around those comparisons determine whether they will make you feel miserable or inspired.
If a year ago, you were earning a cent per month, and now you are making a dollar, you are not financially independent. Even though, on a personal level, it is a 10000% growth in your monthly income. You depend on the society you live in, directly, and indirectly. You won’t get a $2 bread loaf for a cent just because you’re growing.
Survival, today, is all about trade. You are regularly trading with the citizens of the society to make a living. Comparisons are disturbing, but there is a way to get actionable metrics from those comparisons.
Entrepreneurs firmly believe in comparisons, so do their investors. One thing that startup founders regularly do throughout their journey is to compare themselves with their competitors to get relevant information. It is also a very crucial step before starting a company— competitor analysis.
Why We Compare?
The instinct we have to compare ourselves with others has its roots in evolutionary psychology. We compare to survive. Or that’s how our brain thinks about it. Tens of thousands of years ago, we had to compete for acquiring resources, whether it’s food or sex, to survive and continue, and that’s why comparisons were relevant.
Even though the cut-throat competition, the need for violence, to survive has no serviceable space in our society, the instinct is still inside us. Instead of eliminating that instinct, which is nearly impossible, control it.
Types of Comparisons
There are essential, in my opinion, two types of comparisons. One is personal, and the other is professional.
Personal Comparisons
In case of personal comparisons, you usually compare those features that depict you as a healthy sexual mate— when speaking from the grounds of evolutionary psychology.
Comparing your skinny body with your fitness freak friend’s six-packs, which we all have done once in our life, is an excellent example of personal comparisons. Comparisons are toxic, there is no denial of that fact. They create a sense of insecurity and make you feel small. You, thinking bats, have to rise above it.
Usually, personal comparisons help you to be more healthy and hygienic, but if played on a genetic ground, they are hollow and redundant.
Professional Comparisons
In the case of professional comparisons, you usually compare those features that enhance your chance for survival. In your literal professional space— office, university, school, etc. —you may find yourself involved in both of these comparisons.
What I mean by professional comparison is not that they only occur in a professional environment. It’s not about the surrounding where you feel the urge to compare yourself but the very nature of those comparisons.
Professional comparisons are moments of misery when you find out that your colleague, or competitor (presumed or actual), is performing better than you.
For instance, you’re an internet guru who teaches social media marketing online. Comparing yourself with a person teaching the same skill is an example of professional comparison.
For goal-driven people, professional comparisons are a great source of misery than personal ones, generally. Their focus is on getting better at what they sincerely do.
Again, I’d like to remind you, none of these comparisons are more good or bad than the other. With the right attitude, they both can be equally helpful.
The Right Metric of Comparison
Whenever we compare ourselves with others, our first instinct is to run away from that thought. A part of our brain wants us to have an uncomfortable conversation and the rest of it tries to numb that part. It breeds a conflict in your mind.
What to do at that moment? Live in that conflict, have that uncomfortable conversation, open yourself, and allow your brain to experience that misery.
Ask yourself, do you genuinely want to improve the metric that you are comparing. Is it something that you actually value?
Comparing yourself with a physically fit person indicates that either you want to be more fit, or you just want to look more attractive. Your comparisons reveal your values. Dig deeper to find them, they are the roots of your misery and the manure of your growth.
Now ask yourself— Is this the right thing to value? For me, from the above example, attractiveness isn’t, but health is.
If the value attached to your comparison is hollow, stop comparing and get rid of that fucked value. If it isn’t, dig a little deeper to get some actionable data out of it.
Self-Detached Analytical Comparisons
Now, we are all sorted. The metrics we are comparing are the one’s that we value, and genuinely want to improve upon.
Bring your palm close to your eyes, roughly a centimeter away. Can you see your palm lines clearly? Absolutely not. It’s all blurred. Take it a few inches back and you have a crystal clear image of your distorted palm lines.
Similarly, to see something clearly you need to look at it from a certain distance. And that’s exactly what you have to do— take a few steps back.
A painting cannot see itself.
When you find yourself comparing, detach yourself from your personal identity. Compare yourself with the other person, not as yourself, but as a third person.
A is comparing himself with B but from a third perspective as C. It is the Self-detached part of SDAC.
In the next step, you have to analyze— what is the other person, doing that he’s better than me.
There are three ways to get the right metrics that you can act upon:
Google it
Observe that person
Or simply ask him for those actionable metrics.
For instance, after comparing yourself with your ripped friend, you may get insights about his diet and workout routine, and that is vital information because it is based on a successful experience.
The actions that you will take are proven to work. Not allowing social comparisons prevents you from extracting these insights ever. Allow them, and improve.
Cheers!
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